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Defender of the Crown - Nintendo Entertainment System - 1989
My buddy Mike and I were talking about some of our favorite games once, and he mentioned how much he loved a game called Defender of the Crown. I had never heard of it, but I respect his opinion. So I picked up a used copy of this game for the NES. However, it turns out I got it twisted. The NES title I came home with is not Mike’s beloved game. He
was talking about an Xbox remake of this game, which I have still never played. The one I got sucks.
Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest - Nintendo Entertainment System -1987
I came into Castlevania late. Despite the fact that this series is considered one of the classics, I had made it into the 21st century having never played any title in the series. Once I found myself in tardy possession of an NES, I figured I’d give one of the games in the series a playthrough and right this wrong. Unfortunately, the random Castlevania I picked up was Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest, which is not the finest example of the series. This asspile of a game almost tricked me into writing off a series with some brilliant games..
Video games get a lot of things wrong. You know what I mean? I'm talking about little things that really shouldn't be wrong, but are. I'm talking about something like The Sims 2 Freetime, and how you get a freaking phone call whenever your Sim goes up a point in hobby enthusiasm. If you interrupt your Sim's activity to answer that call, all you get is a dumbass message saying your sim has just gained a point in hobby enthusiasm. If you ignore the call, you have to hear the phone ring on and on and on, and possibly miss out on other, more important calls. That's just wrong. Well, to aid in the fight against such stupidity, I'm listing some details that designers can add to any game to alleviate the pain of their wrongness. These ideas are always right, and they're just a few of my favorite things.
Castle of Dragon - Nintendo Entertainment System - 1990
This is the worst generic sidescrolling action game I’ve ever played. And I’ve played both Bugs Bunny’s Rabbit Rampage, and Home Alone 2: The Video Game. This game is so generically awful that there is nothing interesting to say about how bad it is.
This game is all about shooting and finding cover from those who are shooting back at you. It is a pretty neat balance of offense and defense, and I think I would have really liked it in the 90’s. However, in 2008 there isn't really a compelling reason to play it. C’mon, this is a world where Gears of War exists.
It has been a great time working on Angry Gamer the last two and a half years. During that time I have had a lot of fun, met a lot of awesome people and posted a lot of pictures of Alyson Hannigan.
Bionic Commando - Nintendo Entertainment System - 1988
Bionic Commando is the sequel to the arcade classic, Commando. Rather than rest on their laurels, and re-tread the material covered in the original, the makers of Bionic Commando decided to entirely alter the tone, main character, and game genre for this new outing. The result is something really weird.
Bad Dudes is an utterly generic, poorly constructed 8 bit brawler. It would be a just another forgotten NES game, were it not for the combination of its awe-inspiring name, a terrible catchphrase (“I'm bad!”), and the best opening sequence of any video game ever:
This week, we play some sports. Of course we do it the old fashioned way - huddled around a glowing television in a dark, smelly room. Featured this week: Wii Sports, Sensi Soccer and International Track and Field!
Well, it i is finally time to say farewell to the 2600, to the VCS, to the Tele-Games. Whatever you want to call it, the Atari was a landmark for video gaming. As I revisited the system I was raised on, these past few months, it was gratifying to know that, despite all the crap, there are still several Atari games worth playing.
Warlords! What a rugged title for a game. Naturally this must be a game about war! And lording! Just look at the bad ass knight on the cartridge art! Let’s lord the shit out of some war!!
It's been a busy couple of weeks around here and frankly I haven't been playing much of video games at all. Well, except for the DS, but everyone's sick to death of me talking about how I'm playing some old game from before there were Trinitrons let alone HD.
While it can be quite difficult to make a good racing game, there is a lower limit upon how badly you can make one. Street Racer is that lower limit. The ugly cars are huge while the straightaway track is tiny. You compete against another car… driving on a separate track. Perhaps worst of all, you aren’t trying to be the first to finish, for there is no finish line. No, you’re trying to travel further than your opponent within an arbitrary time limit.
So Blizzard's gone and admitted that they've been working on Diablo III for a long time now, and all the world's gone mad with elation. When I saw Saturday's headlines, I was surprised and delighted too, at least at first.
While it can be quite difficult to make a good racing game, there is a lower limit upon how badly you can make one. Speedway II is that lower limit. The ugly cars are huge while the straightaway track is tiny. You compete against another car… driving on a separate track. Perhaps worst of all, you aren’t trying to be the first to finish, for there is no finish line. No, you’re trying to travel further than your opponent within an arbitrary time limit.
