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This week, the gang play Mario games. Why? Why the hell not, and mind your God damn business. The games are Yoshi's Island, Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Galaxy. Ah, lasagna…
Top Gun: The Second Mission - 1990 - Nintendo Entertainment System
Top Gun: The Second Mission is the sequel to Top Gun, a video game based on a movie with no sequel. This game is called "The Second Mission", despite the fact that the first game was divided into four missions. Presumably, then, this isn't a true sequel, but rather an expansion of the second stage of the first game, which in turn, features events not featured in the movie upon which it is based. The chronology is very confusing.
Can you believe that 2008 would see two games receive perfect “10” ratings from two of the largest, most respected video game websites, two sites that hadn’t given 10s to any game in a decade? Weren’t we lucky; first we got Grand Theft Auto IV, a lengthy adventure with a huge, detailed world and great animation, but also a share of irritations in the form of a silly socializing system and weird, weighty controls.
Top Gun is a aerial
combat game for the NES, that, once upon a time was so cool that it
took my breath away, but in the years since, I’ve lost that
loving feeling. I'm not gonna sit here and blow sunshine up your
ass, this game has not aged well.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles -1989 - Nintendo Entertainment SystemWhen it comes to kiddie merchandising, it don’t get awesomer than the Ninja Turtles. There have been other insanely popular crap children’s products, but none as in your face gleefully moronic as the TMNT.They were half-man/half-turtle superheroes, named after renaissance artists, who use lethal weapons in non-lethal combat, and who eat pizza at every opportunity that presents itself.The world at large were unaware of their existence, despite the fact that they were big green turtle monsters who got into daily fights with the forces of Dimension X, and they frequently flew a big blimp labeled “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”.This is good stuff.
The good book says to love thy neighbour. And this might be true to a certain extent. However, if being charming and witty fails to win them over, you can always resort to beating the crap out of them and eating them if you so choose. Are your neighbours a valuable asset always willing to come to your aid when the need arises? Or are they a resourse to be exploited when ever your stomach growls. I for one chose the latter. The weird horse looking things looked very tasty, and in my defense I needed to put food on the table so I would be able to call upon the reserves for the up-coming battle. All thoughts of friendship went out the window when the sneaky little bastards stole my food while i was engaged in social pleasantries with their chieftain discussing the benefits of a mutual defence. "Hrrm, that looks like some tasty horse thing meat." I say. "Oh yes, we stole it while you were getting drunk and hitting on our large and ample women".
Super Mario Bros. - 1985 -Nintendo Entertainment System
What can I say about this game?What can I possibly say?This is the greatest video game of all
time.It isn’t the best.It’s not my favorite.But it is the greatest game of them all.It is, in fact, the default video game.
The "C" stands for mothafuggin Contra! Oh yes. To be Contra, is to be the hardest of all video games. By “hardest”, I don’t mean “most difficult,” although damn, they’s tough. No, I mean HARDCORE. Contra could engrave a diamond with its flaccid penis, but wouldn't because diamonds are for girls. That is how hard Contra is.
Spore has been talked about for ages. And I have never paid it much attention since its not my usual cup of tea. But for some reason, I feel compelled to acquire this game? Why? And should I?
River City Ransom – 1989 – Nintendo Entertainment System
River City Ransom, the second game in the River City Trilogy, follows the balls-to-face action of Super Dodge Ball with the second greatest RPG in the universe.
OK! I'm out of the water. I'm my own man, well sort of. I'm off to explore. Being the ultimate flesh-rending behemoth I am, I go forth in search of cute furry little gourmet delights to exploit in the name of DNA!
This week we look at three games that some would say are Over Rated. Some other people would say these games are Under Rated. Which is which? We play Psychonauts, Halo 3 and CRACKDOWN OMG CRACKDOWN!!
There was really awesome arcade game called Strider.It is a slick-as-grease sidescroller where you played a badass ninja-esque guy with a sword.With great graphics and solid gameplay, it stands as a minor classic and is well worth dumping some quarters into because it is a cut above.This game is not that game.
Rolling Thunder - 1989 - Nintendo Entertainment System
This game plays like much like a piss-poor remake of Elevator Action, only they decided to take out the elevators. Brilliant move, guys! That’s like making a Sonic the Hedgehog ripoff without having the character running. Basically, this is a Bubsy-caliber game.
Rescue:The Embassy Mission - 1989 -Nintendo Entertainment System
OK, first of all, this game goes by five different nom de plumes:It is Rescue: The Embassy Mission, a.k.a., Hostage: Rescue Mission, a.k.a. Hostage: The EmbassyMission, a.k.a. Hostage: No Subtitle, a.k. fucking a. Operation Jupiter. Seriously, dudes, dubble yoo tee eff?What in the name of the six hells of Q’o NoS is that all about?
